Reason is bad

Do you know what it's like to be plagued by reason? I wish I wasn't so caught up in how to live and could actually just be alive, breathing in and out and experiencing the wonderful craziness of it all. Because I feel like the how will come...maybe not with time, but with experiences and just more stuff under my belt. I say all of this because every time I come here to blog I sit for minutes thinking of how I should be doing a thousand and one other things, or how to say what I want to say in the right way, or yada yada yada...and then I look up and realize that I've frittered away 20 minutes of my day contemplating scenarios in my head. Wasted minutes. They add up, you know? I always have grand intentions (delusions?) of what I will accomplish in my day, and very rarely that sweet exhaustion at the end...you know, that drained feeling of completion that comes with checking every box off on your to-do list. It's an incredible feeling. Somehow I forget about it, though, and I find myself back in the trenches of procrastination and sloth. So so ridiculous.

But anyways, needless to say, I had grand intentions for today. I was going to research all day and finish a paper that's hanging over my head like a blade. But instead of staring at a blank page I'm blogging, where the words dont' seem to every dry up. Why IS that? The irony of my writing abilities tonight is too great. Ha.

Elderspeak, anyone? If that word even has an iota of meaning to you, PLEASE, call me and we can chat. I'm needing a little something to prod my academic mind. Back to my blank slate...hopefully not for long.

This is my mantra

sunday thoughts

So I've decided that there's no way to get comfortable blogging until you just start doing it. So here I am, my second time on here, procrastinating and filtering what I actually want to write here. It's a funny thing, writing. There's this huge possibility for sharing, and learning, and growth...and at the same time, there is this gigantic fear within me that I cannot share too much. I must not write all my thoughts or else I'll...um...say too much? Reveal my heart? Be too vulnerable? Vulnerability scares me -- and yet I'm beginning to think it is the most vital part of anything meant to last.

So I guess I want this place to be one of vulnerability. But, funny, before I share my innermost thoughts for today, I must go read endless chapters on complex waveforms and decibels. Sounds fun, right? Oh, and I get to practice writing phonetically. I know you're jealous.

More to come.

here we go...

Um. Wow, here I am. Don't really know what I think about this yet. Don't really know if I even have time to do this. But I do know that I think this could be cool. I guess we'll see!