So I taped the finale of Alias this week because I had to go see my cousin graduate high school. No big deal, right? I get the tape, and it's almost midnight on Thursday and I put it in my parent's VCR in the middle of our pitch black living room. And I'm so excited to actually be watching my show....and things are good (albeit I have issues with this season, but so does every other fanatical viewer out there)...and then the final scene is happening, and man, it is some heavy stuff, and THEN THE TAPE STOPS. No joke, I really thought I was gonna cry.
Thankfully I have another avid fan as a friend who has taped it (no commercials!), so I'm saved. But still, I haven't seen the final cliffhanger yet...and it's driving me nuts! Yes, you caught me, I am officially addicted to the show.
Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. Next week doesn't look much better, the fam's going camping. Yes, that's right, camping. I'm excited. I love campfires, my mom's pancakes, reading and reading and reading, singing hymns around the fire....the list goes on. I'm hoping there's some good roads/trails to get some rides in. I just got new pedals on my bike and they make riding so fun. I wore my dad out on Friday, he couldn't keep up. :) But I digress... So I'll be gone for awhile, but I'll get in a few posts before we leave.
Questions: Has anyone seen I Am David? Watched it last night with my parents, and would love to verbally process with anyone. Come one, come all....
5.24.2005
Weddings and such
So I spent my weekend in MI serving as a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. I've posted some pics below so be sure to scroll down. And as much as I would like to be able to summarize the events of the few days for you, it was just too full and too random...and, to be honest, I'm still soaking it all in. So maybe this will turn into more than one post. But the Cliffnotes version is as follows...I got to spend time with a side of my family that I rarely see (I hadn't seen the cousin whose wedding I was in for at least 5 years) and it was a blast. And an eye-opener, as she and her siblings have kinda chosen a path of life much different than mine and my closer family members. So this led to me tearfully expressing my remorse over the gap that has grown between us throughout the years, which led to her tearfully hugging me and wishing to try to be better. I'm looking forward to that.
The reception was a not-so-delicate balance between honky-tonk sappiness, overplayed classics such as "YMCA" and "Celebrate," and ghetto-fabulousness. And when I say ghetto i mean GHETTO. Not to be derrogatory in the least...it's just a totally different world. We almost had a cat fight between one of the bridesmaids and the wife of one of the groomsman who, I have to say, was the blackest white woman I have ever met. My uncle stepped in to save the day. :) It truly was an experience. And I think my parents, especially my mother, will never be the same. When the people starting dancing (can I even call it that?) to 50's "In Da Club" I thought my mom's mouth was gonna hit the floor. Ha, it was a sight to behold.
But perhaps the most pertinent thing about the wedding was that it is directly responsible for causing me to withdraw from my Maymester statistics class. Who did I think I was to sign up for a 3 week course in which I would "learn" statistics? 3 weeks, are you KIDDING ME??!! Missing the first lab due to the wedding, and then with a midterm the Monday I returned...it was just too much. So now I'm soaking up the freedom of no classes for 2 weeks.
Wow is it late, folks. Bedtime for me....but tomorrow, why I want to join the Secret Service. Gotcha hooked, don't I? ;)
The reception was a not-so-delicate balance between honky-tonk sappiness, overplayed classics such as "YMCA" and "Celebrate," and ghetto-fabulousness. And when I say ghetto i mean GHETTO. Not to be derrogatory in the least...it's just a totally different world. We almost had a cat fight between one of the bridesmaids and the wife of one of the groomsman who, I have to say, was the blackest white woman I have ever met. My uncle stepped in to save the day. :) It truly was an experience. And I think my parents, especially my mother, will never be the same. When the people starting dancing (can I even call it that?) to 50's "In Da Club" I thought my mom's mouth was gonna hit the floor. Ha, it was a sight to behold.
But perhaps the most pertinent thing about the wedding was that it is directly responsible for causing me to withdraw from my Maymester statistics class. Who did I think I was to sign up for a 3 week course in which I would "learn" statistics? 3 weeks, are you KIDDING ME??!! Missing the first lab due to the wedding, and then with a midterm the Monday I returned...it was just too much. So now I'm soaking up the freedom of no classes for 2 weeks.
Wow is it late, folks. Bedtime for me....but tomorrow, why I want to join the Secret Service. Gotcha hooked, don't I? ;)
5.10.2005
Family feud
So I had a crummy Mom's day. I drove the the ATL on Friday afternoon to spend the weekend at home and be with Mom on her day, and I got home to quickly discover that she was not in the best of moods. And I understand that she has a lot going on in her life right now (she didn't sign her contract at school in hopes of finding a part-time job) and is working under the principal from hell. I also understand that she there's a lot of water under the bridge that I just have no clue about, and thus have no say over.
But one thing I do know is that I've witnessed her slow but definite withdrawal from her friends and her church this year, to the point that our pastor called her to ask why he hasn't seen her lately. And the thing is...I just don't think it's a good thing. In fact, I think it's a really sad thing. Not because she's not doing all the things that make you a "good Christian," but because she has completely sidestepped some of the most effective means of grace that God has given us. I mean, there's a reason God wants us fellowshipping, and in community with others, and plugged into a body. He knows that if we aren't continually hit over the head with the Gospel, if we aren't saturated in His grace and in His reminders to live in Him, then we just start doing it all ourselves.
And that's what has been happening to my Mom, hence the stress, and the moodiness, and the physical exhaustion...and it just makes me really sad. So I decided that I love her enough to be the one to tell her what I've seen, or at least remind her of some of the things that she has let go of recently. Note to self: do not attempt this on Mother's Day, for future reference. She didn't like what I was saying, at all. Big shocker there, though, who does like being reminded of things they've let slip? Long story short, arguments/fighting ensued, and all parties went to bed without understanding of one another or forgiveness of any kind. Which prompted me staying up till 3am writing a long letter and sharing a favorite Psalm in attempts at conveying through writing what my not-so-eloquent spoken thoughts failed to communicate.
And then came Sunday, and I just backed off and didn't know how to handle anything at all. And maybe that's where this post is heading, because the older I get the more I notice that the boundary lines of parent/child, mother/daughter are becoming blurry. I don't know how to be a child anymore. It was so easy, so simple, when she was the authority and I was to obey...when she lead and I followed. But she has long since fallen off the pedestal I placed her on. Which is a good thing for all involved, no one is ever worthy of a pedestal and it places undue attention and expecations every which way.
But now that I'm grown (although I'm also discovering that the older I get, the younger I feel) I just don't know how to be her child, her daughter. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Was it my place to share some of the little "knowledge" I feel I've learned in my life, a lot of which she herself has taught me? How do I love my mom and NOT do this? What in the heck does it look like to be a child when you are an adult?
I wrestled with all of this when my parents were separated in highschool and college, but from a different angle. Back then it was how to find my role in their story of reconciliation -- now it is how to find my voice in the role of her redemption. I don't literally mean my voice, but more the voice of God through me. Don't read that to be as pious as it might seem...I just mean that I think God often uses His children to speak to one another, and this time seemed no different. My problem, on top of the aforementioned confusion of my role, is how to actually let God do the talking, and not taint His message with my own intentions.
I feel a little rambly, and just an overall confusion about it all. Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? At the moment I'm resting on the concept of speaking the truth in love, and hoping she can remember that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." But am I supposed to be her friend in this instance? I wish I knew...
*****************
On a lighter note -- finals are over!!!!!!!! Man does it feel good to be done with this semester. Summer is finally here. :)
But one thing I do know is that I've witnessed her slow but definite withdrawal from her friends and her church this year, to the point that our pastor called her to ask why he hasn't seen her lately. And the thing is...I just don't think it's a good thing. In fact, I think it's a really sad thing. Not because she's not doing all the things that make you a "good Christian," but because she has completely sidestepped some of the most effective means of grace that God has given us. I mean, there's a reason God wants us fellowshipping, and in community with others, and plugged into a body. He knows that if we aren't continually hit over the head with the Gospel, if we aren't saturated in His grace and in His reminders to live in Him, then we just start doing it all ourselves.
And that's what has been happening to my Mom, hence the stress, and the moodiness, and the physical exhaustion...and it just makes me really sad. So I decided that I love her enough to be the one to tell her what I've seen, or at least remind her of some of the things that she has let go of recently. Note to self: do not attempt this on Mother's Day, for future reference. She didn't like what I was saying, at all. Big shocker there, though, who does like being reminded of things they've let slip? Long story short, arguments/fighting ensued, and all parties went to bed without understanding of one another or forgiveness of any kind. Which prompted me staying up till 3am writing a long letter and sharing a favorite Psalm in attempts at conveying through writing what my not-so-eloquent spoken thoughts failed to communicate.
And then came Sunday, and I just backed off and didn't know how to handle anything at all. And maybe that's where this post is heading, because the older I get the more I notice that the boundary lines of parent/child, mother/daughter are becoming blurry. I don't know how to be a child anymore. It was so easy, so simple, when she was the authority and I was to obey...when she lead and I followed. But she has long since fallen off the pedestal I placed her on. Which is a good thing for all involved, no one is ever worthy of a pedestal and it places undue attention and expecations every which way.
But now that I'm grown (although I'm also discovering that the older I get, the younger I feel) I just don't know how to be her child, her daughter. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Was it my place to share some of the little "knowledge" I feel I've learned in my life, a lot of which she herself has taught me? How do I love my mom and NOT do this? What in the heck does it look like to be a child when you are an adult?
I wrestled with all of this when my parents were separated in highschool and college, but from a different angle. Back then it was how to find my role in their story of reconciliation -- now it is how to find my voice in the role of her redemption. I don't literally mean my voice, but more the voice of God through me. Don't read that to be as pious as it might seem...I just mean that I think God often uses His children to speak to one another, and this time seemed no different. My problem, on top of the aforementioned confusion of my role, is how to actually let God do the talking, and not taint His message with my own intentions.
I feel a little rambly, and just an overall confusion about it all. Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? At the moment I'm resting on the concept of speaking the truth in love, and hoping she can remember that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." But am I supposed to be her friend in this instance? I wish I knew...
*****************
On a lighter note -- finals are over!!!!!!!! Man does it feel good to be done with this semester. Summer is finally here. :)
5.03.2005
In a word
FINALS.
Your prayers are much appreciated. I'll be back soon to spill various and sundry thoughts on:
- the new Dishwalla CD (you? thoughts?)
- how much I love cycling
- why i wouldn't recommend being poor
- the unpleasantries of being a bridesmaid
- how God's been hitting me over the head with the basics...and how incredibly great it has been
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