So I've decided that school will no longer be my priority. Let me qualify that by saying that it will still be important and, dare I say, inevitably one of the things that I will spend the majority of my time on. But I'm tired of believing the lie, of thinking that making As and immersing myself in everything CMSD (Communication Sciences and Disorders, for those who are unaware) will somehow satisfy me, or prepare me to be able to make a difference one day.
Because you know what? Life is more than my report card, or the amount of time I spend doing homework and diving into all the professionalism of my future career. Don't get me wrong, I think it's critical to truly work hard and learn the things that will prepare me for my job, and I am in no way advocating a "slacker" mentality. But I am tired of living a compartmentalized life, one in which my default is something like: School = 80%, Everything else = 15%, God = 5%. I'm exaggerating to make my point...but only a little, sadly. My life has become so radically different than the way I feel like I'm called to live, as a child of God. And so different from how I long to live, deep down. How can this be, how can I already be singing this song when I'm only 24?
I have these words by Annie Dillard posted on my wall above my computer, and as I write they are glaring at me: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Let me say that again: How we spend our days is how we spend our LIVES. I've forgotten this, much like I forget the Gospel. Simple truths, yet they fly out of my brain before my head hits the pillow each night. I want to spend my life knowing Christ, becoming like Him and building His kingdom, NOT being a nerdy SLP who can make good grades and impress people.
I realize that there is a delicate balance at play here, the dichotomy of the spiritual and physical me. But at the risk of sounding extremist or just plain looney, if my days aren't being lived for eternity -- if my moments are not rooted in my intention to capture them for His glory and His purpose -- then my life is being wasted. I would apologize for sounding harsh, but I can't and I won't. The life I've been called to live isn't easy, isn't normal, and is certainly not status quo. And I'd venture to say it's full of a lot more pain, suffering, loneliness, and hurt than I care to think about at the moment.
Except that in the midst of those hardships come a joy and satisfaction that, at least at the moment, I feel like I've only read about. Paul, Stephen, Mother Theresa, Bonhoeffer...the list is long. But look at those lives and the one thing that you cannot escape is the fact that they were full of suffering. And yet these people suffered gladly, because their life was not their own. They had been captured by the Gospel, by the very same Savior that I claim to follow. And they were willing to be killed for Him.
I guess what I'm getting at is that these people lived with their priorities straight. I know that they were not single-minded people because, in my book, the only person who ever did it right was Jesus, and He was perfect. So these people had multiple balls in the air, lots of different distractions vying for their attention and time. And I know that they made mistakes, and messed up, probably stuck God on the bottom of their To-Do list more than once or twice. But they also got it right, so to speak. They knew the sacrifice that had to be made, and they made it, even in the face of death. They were radicals, they were extremists, they were hardcore. And the kingdom of God was built up because of them.
I want to be like that -- radical, extraordinary. I really believe that to live the Gospel in this day and time it is going to take a radical shift in how I think my life should be lived. And it's gonna be a hard change. But I want it. I want the only thing that can truly bring me satisfaction and joy, and that's to know Christ. Plain and simple...or the most difficult thing in the world. Until that happens my days, or put bluntly my life, is a waste of time.
I don't want to waste my life. God, give me the grace to say no to this world and yes to You. Amen.
"From now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus." Galations 6:17
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:23, 24
Because you know what? Life is more than my report card, or the amount of time I spend doing homework and diving into all the professionalism of my future career. Don't get me wrong, I think it's critical to truly work hard and learn the things that will prepare me for my job, and I am in no way advocating a "slacker" mentality. But I am tired of living a compartmentalized life, one in which my default is something like: School = 80%, Everything else = 15%, God = 5%. I'm exaggerating to make my point...but only a little, sadly. My life has become so radically different than the way I feel like I'm called to live, as a child of God. And so different from how I long to live, deep down. How can this be, how can I already be singing this song when I'm only 24?
I have these words by Annie Dillard posted on my wall above my computer, and as I write they are glaring at me: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Let me say that again: How we spend our days is how we spend our LIVES. I've forgotten this, much like I forget the Gospel. Simple truths, yet they fly out of my brain before my head hits the pillow each night. I want to spend my life knowing Christ, becoming like Him and building His kingdom, NOT being a nerdy SLP who can make good grades and impress people.
I realize that there is a delicate balance at play here, the dichotomy of the spiritual and physical me. But at the risk of sounding extremist or just plain looney, if my days aren't being lived for eternity -- if my moments are not rooted in my intention to capture them for His glory and His purpose -- then my life is being wasted. I would apologize for sounding harsh, but I can't and I won't. The life I've been called to live isn't easy, isn't normal, and is certainly not status quo. And I'd venture to say it's full of a lot more pain, suffering, loneliness, and hurt than I care to think about at the moment.
Except that in the midst of those hardships come a joy and satisfaction that, at least at the moment, I feel like I've only read about. Paul, Stephen, Mother Theresa, Bonhoeffer...the list is long. But look at those lives and the one thing that you cannot escape is the fact that they were full of suffering. And yet these people suffered gladly, because their life was not their own. They had been captured by the Gospel, by the very same Savior that I claim to follow. And they were willing to be killed for Him.
I guess what I'm getting at is that these people lived with their priorities straight. I know that they were not single-minded people because, in my book, the only person who ever did it right was Jesus, and He was perfect. So these people had multiple balls in the air, lots of different distractions vying for their attention and time. And I know that they made mistakes, and messed up, probably stuck God on the bottom of their To-Do list more than once or twice. But they also got it right, so to speak. They knew the sacrifice that had to be made, and they made it, even in the face of death. They were radicals, they were extremists, they were hardcore. And the kingdom of God was built up because of them.
I want to be like that -- radical, extraordinary. I really believe that to live the Gospel in this day and time it is going to take a radical shift in how I think my life should be lived. And it's gonna be a hard change. But I want it. I want the only thing that can truly bring me satisfaction and joy, and that's to know Christ. Plain and simple...or the most difficult thing in the world. Until that happens my days, or put bluntly my life, is a waste of time.
I don't want to waste my life. God, give me the grace to say no to this world and yes to You. Amen.
"From now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus." Galations 6:17
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:23, 24
1 comment:
AMEN. I've been impressed with the fact lately that Life (capital L) is where I am right now, not some ideal time in the future. So I've been asking God to change my heart to live for him now, to find where I can serve him and love people in the midst of whatever is going on in my life at the moment (as messy as it is), and not wait for some time in the future when I will be more prepared or freed up to serve. The time is now. It is all we are promised, and we have it to know God in and serve him in and love other people in. Now is what matters, and now is when God is using us to increase his kingdom. In a strange way, remembering that helps me to rest in him better and not worry so much about the future. I think it's an exciting way to live.
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