Alias fans unite!!

I discovered today while reading People magazine (did I just actually write that publicly?!) that there is a big chance that Vaughn's character will not be returning to the show this season. I repeat, Vaughn is quite possibly NOT returning to Alias. They killed him off, supposedly.

Do you understand the weight of this??

Are you paying attention??

THIS WOULD BE HUGE. In a terrible way. I can't figure out if ABC or JJ Abrams has a death wish. Or maybe they've been too distracted by the success of Lost to figure out that a show about people lost on an island can only go so far...

I dunno. But I DO know that they are on the verge of losing this fan for sure. But it won't be that easy, because I will be bitter. You can't just take Vaughn from me and except me to take it laying down. I will fight. I will write letters. I will boycott. I will engage in the warfare necessary in these times.

Alias CANNOT survive without Vaughn. Hello, writers, you cannot create one of the greatest characters on the show, and one who has gained such a huge fan base, and then KILL HIM OFF. That's not the way it works.

Sydney's having a baby, for crying out loud. That's enough change for a season, don't ya think?

I'll get off my soapbox for now. But people, if you have any love at all, go to the website above and make your voice heard....

Who knew it would ever come to this??

One more thing...

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Be warned...it's got some pretty graphic stuff, in terms of what people share. But there is something about the vulnerability of this art, the sharing of weakness and sin, that seems like a step in the right direction.

Granted, it is a very small step. But a step is more than nothing.

I have a confession

Apparently it is a cardinal sin to not bow down and worship the game of football, specifically the game played by a certain team here in Georgia known as the Bulldogs. I was reminded of my oddity today as I tiptoed into the world of SEC football, watching little bits of The Game on ESPN and joining in on that thing called Tailgating.

There's definitely nothing wrong with it, with the festivities and fun and free-flowing beer and even the game itself.

I'm just not that into it. Blame it on my childhood, growing up in the formative hands of a Latin teacher mother and a Not-Into-Sports-Except-Baseball-Maybe father. Or on my having spent 4 rather developmental undergrad years at a little school in the Midwest.

Whatever it may be, my football appreciation seems to be, at least for the moment, only as developed as my ability to acknowledge that 'Gee, Athens sure does turn into a crazy town on gamedays'.

Maybe I'll convert over the next 2 years. I'm not sure I have a choice...

(Especially, Carrie, if you have anything to with it.) :)

The culprit...

...is not time, nor school, nor even friends in general. No, the reason for my unintentional yet persistent neglect of this blog over the past few months can be solely attributed to a certain guy named Nate, whom I met in early June and who has proceeded to sweep me off my feet, if I can use such a girly phrase. I mean, I'm not even sure where to start in my attempt at describing him and/or explaining my absence and all that has happened in between my last post and now.


To put it succinctly, he is everything and more than I have hoped and prayed for. Want to know more? Email me and I'll be glad to expound on the wonderful man that God has blessed me with.

Phew, where did the summer go? All I know is that in the midst of working on my assistantship (I work for my advisor on her NIH grant studying preschool stuttering treatment -- have a mentioned that?), taking 2 classes, traveling to weddings, and being in a new relationship, everything is a relative blur. It was a great summer, if only way too short.

And now it's back to the real deal. This semester is my entry into "real" grad school, taking actual upper-level classes and starting my clinical practicum. It is exciting and overwhelming, exciting in that I love what I am getting to study, and the work I am getting to do for my assistantship, but overwhelming in that it would never end if I didn't make time for rest, for life outside of school. I'm remembering a post I wrote while ago, possibly even this time last year, about the balance necessary in life. I am facing that challenge again, and it feels as new and uncomfortable to me as before. I am reminded of the God I love and His faithfulness to me, though, of His unfailing mercy and strength that will forever be only a request away.

It is the request that is often the hardest part for me, as odd as it may seem. Too often I find myself at the end of a 30 minute discussion with a friend, or a tirade of thoughts in my mind, about how completely unmanageable my life is, and oh how will I get everything done, and I just feel so ______ (insert emotion here, i.e. frustrated, tired, annoyed, angry, apathetic)....only to remember that am blessed with everything and every ability I need to do what He has put in my path. I am realizing how quick (and almost subconscious) my tendency is to listen to the Enemy, to seek comfort in the world, to wallow in my circumstances -- to, in essence, forget God.

I don't want to blow this struggle out of proportion or get lost in a game of semantics (which, by the way, is another topic that has been ruminating in my mind recently, begging to make an appearance on this site). But I am acutely aware of this shortcoming at the moment...and I don't like it. I am grateful that His grace is so big, and that I can rest in it as I wrestle with my fallen tendencies.

How's that for jumping back into the blogosphere? ;)

Join the masses....

Twentysomething

That word makes me cringe. Or even worse, quarterlife crisis. Are you kidding me? But at the same time, I feel like there's a little validity to the terms. I glimpsed at an article in the Flagpole today entitled "Twentysomething Can Be The Cruelest Season" and it made me laugh outloud and feel validated at the same time

I mean, think about it. No money. Lots of instability. No money. Only memories of college days. No money. Friendships that are far more "difficult" to maintain and enjoy than before. Did I mention no money?

I could go on, but I feel that you might get my point. It seems that the 20s are the practice room, the kitchen of life, if you will. There's a whole lot going on in these years that is just plain hard. Period. I'm being pushed in ways that aren't fun, and it feels like the dry/lonely/discouraging times far outweigh the fun, glorious days. But that's what happens in the kitchen -- the dirty work gets done here, the food gets prepared, the chefs slave away -- and the guests are oblivious to the toil.

The real deal (or so it seems) is the main course. The fruit of all the labor. And man is it good. At least in terms of food. And it's tempting for me to think of life that way as well.

'Get me outta here!!!!!' is what my mind is wanting me to believe. Give me a real job, or rather a man and a family, and some stability to count on, and a few core friends, and a lot of community to pour into and learn from. And just enough money to feel at ease, nothing more. You know what I mean? I live in my mind, in the 'whatifs' of the future, way too much.

Except the thing is, I don't think that life works like that. As much as I would like to think that this kitchen of life will lead to a fantastic meal of days beyond this twentysomething cycle, I just don't buy it. Life's not that simple. There is no culmination to this beautiful mess of life. That's just what it is, a mess. Money will always seem tight. Friends will always come and go. Stability, does that even exist? And as much as my heart longs for a man and a family, I know deep down that they will inevitably leave me wanting.

And so I'm back to my same song. I have no qualms with stating this over and over, as much for myself as for anyone reading this: God is my portion, and He's the only Thing in this mess that will meet my needs. Regardless of how messy my living space called life is.

So yeah, these years aren't the easiest. But I can't leave out some of the good I was reminded of today: the freedom of life that is just status quo as a student, the gift of knowledge and the ability to be stretched and challenged by learning everyday, the unique paths and people that I come in contact with daily, etc. etc. etc. There is a whole lot of blessing mixed into the strife.

Twentysomething? Yeah, I think it's bunk. What's next, Thirtysomething, Fortysomething, Seventysomething?? When does it stop? It doesn't.

Just live. Is it wrong to question your mess sometimes? Not at all. Is it bad to plan for the future? Never. But just remember to live. With intention. And praise God that He is your Portion, and that for some crazy reason, He is glorifying Himself through your messy, twentysomething (or thirtysomething, etc.) days.

I'm still alive

Though slightly caught up in life at the moment. Sorry for the lapse of silence that has been the past month. It should in no way indicate that I am without thoughts and things to share, cause we all know, I always have things to share. :) It's time that is the real problem.

And now I'm off to get my tan on...I mean, swim laps. More thoughts to come...

Score!

I've been needing some new tunes for awhile now. I'm a cheapskate, however, when it comes to buying CDs, because I refuse to be robbed by the music companies asking ridiculous amounts for new CDs. $15 for a CD -- who do you take me for??!!? Used book/cd stores and ebay are my playground when it comes to music, and I got to visit my favorite store in all of ATL this afternoon. Ahhh....I could have spent hours and hours. I might have, had I not been in a building with no public restroom. :( In the hour or so that I was there, however, I found...drumroll, please...the new Weazer! Yes, I'm excited. Track 4, "Hold Me," is amazing. I also picked up Gavin DeGraw (I have a penchant for men who can sing and play piano) and the soundtrack to "A Lot Like Love" which, admittedly, isn't the most amazing movie about love ever made, but it was well-done and has some great songs that take me back to my high-school days.

Oh, did I mention that I'm not camping? Yeah, well, apparently Mr. Weatherman didn't catch the huge rainstorm that has refused to leave the area. Seriously, I feel like I'm in Seattle. My poor dad had already gone up on Tuesday to pick out a spot and get some trout fishing in before my mom and I came up. He spent two miserable days in a soggy tent with swollen rivers incapable of being fished and no dry firewood.

Yuck.

He came home this afternoon, so in the past day that my mom and I have been enjoying together we have managed to get in both Bridget Jones' movies and a lot of goofiness. It has been a good reminder of the way things can be with my mom, the fun times we can share when stress, school, men, you name it are not around.

Have I mentioned that I'm training for a triathlon? I've been reticent to mention it here because of the added acountability. But heck, at this point I need that. I need that extra measure of exposure...no one wants to disappoint, right? So the skinny is all here, and I really feel like it's do-able. Why California, you ask? A friend from Wheaton is spending his summer out there and, having bit by the triathlon bug when he participated in this same tri last summer, has invited a bunch of Wheaton alum to come out and have fun together. And, I mean...it's California, need I say more? I'm looking forward to spending a few days in the beauty of God's creation and fellowship with friends. Now if I can just figure out how to ship my bike out there and get a flight without spending all my cash. The fun begins...

You know it's bad when it almost makes you cry....

So I taped the finale of Alias this week because I had to go see my cousin graduate high school. No big deal, right? I get the tape, and it's almost midnight on Thursday and I put it in my parent's VCR in the middle of our pitch black living room. And I'm so excited to actually be watching my show....and things are good (albeit I have issues with this season, but so does every other fanatical viewer out there)...and then the final scene is happening, and man, it is some heavy stuff, and THEN THE TAPE STOPS. No joke, I really thought I was gonna cry.

Thankfully I have another avid fan as a friend who has taped it (no commercials!), so I'm saved. But still, I haven't seen the final cliffhanger yet...and it's driving me nuts! Yes, you caught me, I am officially addicted to the show.

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. Next week doesn't look much better, the fam's going camping. Yes, that's right, camping. I'm excited. I love campfires, my mom's pancakes, reading and reading and reading, singing hymns around the fire....the list goes on. I'm hoping there's some good roads/trails to get some rides in. I just got new pedals on my bike and they make riding so fun. I wore my dad out on Friday, he couldn't keep up. :) But I digress... So I'll be gone for awhile, but I'll get in a few posts before we leave.

Questions: Has anyone seen I Am David? Watched it last night with my parents, and would love to verbally process with anyone. Come one, come all....

Weddings and such

So I spent my weekend in MI serving as a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. I've posted some pics below so be sure to scroll down. And as much as I would like to be able to summarize the events of the few days for you, it was just too full and too random...and, to be honest, I'm still soaking it all in. So maybe this will turn into more than one post. But the Cliffnotes version is as follows...I got to spend time with a side of my family that I rarely see (I hadn't seen the cousin whose wedding I was in for at least 5 years) and it was a blast. And an eye-opener, as she and her siblings have kinda chosen a path of life much different than mine and my closer family members. So this led to me tearfully expressing my remorse over the gap that has grown between us throughout the years, which led to her tearfully hugging me and wishing to try to be better. I'm looking forward to that.

The reception was a not-so-delicate balance between honky-tonk sappiness, overplayed classics such as "YMCA" and "Celebrate," and ghetto-fabulousness. And when I say ghetto i mean GHETTO. Not to be derrogatory in the least...it's just a totally different world. We almost had a cat fight between one of the bridesmaids and the wife of one of the groomsman who, I have to say, was the blackest white woman I have ever met. My uncle stepped in to save the day. :) It truly was an experience. And I think my parents, especially my mother, will never be the same. When the people starting dancing (can I even call it that?) to 50's "In Da Club" I thought my mom's mouth was gonna hit the floor. Ha, it was a sight to behold.

But perhaps the most pertinent thing about the wedding was that it is directly responsible for causing me to withdraw from my Maymester statistics class. Who did I think I was to sign up for a 3 week course in which I would "learn" statistics? 3 weeks, are you KIDDING ME??!! Missing the first lab due to the wedding, and then with a midterm the Monday I returned...it was just too much. So now I'm soaking up the freedom of no classes for 2 weeks.

Wow is it late, folks. Bedtime for me....but tomorrow, why I want to join the Secret Service. Gotcha hooked, don't I? ;)

Attempting to capture in a snapshot how tired we were at the moment. Instead we ended up looking ridiculous...oh well. :)

I love this pic, it definitely captured a little of the fun that was going around.

So my cous and I are a little...different. We like to take pics of different emotions...not quite sure which one this one might be. Ha.

This is, by far, the funniest pic I got of the wedding party. Please note my favorite item: the cane. :)

My cous and I in our dashing purple dresses.

Me and the 'rents, aren't we pretty?!

Family feud

So I had a crummy Mom's day. I drove the the ATL on Friday afternoon to spend the weekend at home and be with Mom on her day, and I got home to quickly discover that she was not in the best of moods. And I understand that she has a lot going on in her life right now (she didn't sign her contract at school in hopes of finding a part-time job) and is working under the principal from hell. I also understand that she there's a lot of water under the bridge that I just have no clue about, and thus have no say over.

But one thing I do know is that I've witnessed her slow but definite withdrawal from her friends and her church this year, to the point that our pastor called her to ask why he hasn't seen her lately. And the thing is...I just don't think it's a good thing. In fact, I think it's a really sad thing. Not because she's not doing all the things that make you a "good Christian," but because she has completely sidestepped some of the most effective means of grace that God has given us. I mean, there's a reason God wants us fellowshipping, and in community with others, and plugged into a body. He knows that if we aren't continually hit over the head with the Gospel, if we aren't saturated in His grace and in His reminders to live in Him, then we just start doing it all ourselves.

And that's what has been happening to my Mom, hence the stress, and the moodiness, and the physical exhaustion...and it just makes me really sad. So I decided that I love her enough to be the one to tell her what I've seen, or at least remind her of some of the things that she has let go of recently. Note to self: do not attempt this on Mother's Day, for future reference. She didn't like what I was saying, at all. Big shocker there, though, who does like being reminded of things they've let slip? Long story short, arguments/fighting ensued, and all parties went to bed without understanding of one another or forgiveness of any kind. Which prompted me staying up till 3am writing a long letter and sharing a favorite Psalm in attempts at conveying through writing what my not-so-eloquent spoken thoughts failed to communicate.

And then came Sunday, and I just backed off and didn't know how to handle anything at all. And maybe that's where this post is heading, because the older I get the more I notice that the boundary lines of parent/child, mother/daughter are becoming blurry. I don't know how to be a child anymore. It was so easy, so simple, when she was the authority and I was to obey...when she lead and I followed. But she has long since fallen off the pedestal I placed her on. Which is a good thing for all involved, no one is ever worthy of a pedestal and it places undue attention and expecations every which way.

But now that I'm grown (although I'm also discovering that the older I get, the younger I feel) I just don't know how to be her child, her daughter. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Was it my place to share some of the little "knowledge" I feel I've learned in my life, a lot of which she herself has taught me? How do I love my mom and NOT do this? What in the heck does it look like to be a child when you are an adult?

I wrestled with all of this when my parents were separated in highschool and college, but from a different angle. Back then it was how to find my role in their story of reconciliation -- now it is how to find my voice in the role of her redemption. I don't literally mean my voice, but more the voice of God through me. Don't read that to be as pious as it might seem...I just mean that I think God often uses His children to speak to one another, and this time seemed no different. My problem, on top of the aforementioned confusion of my role, is how to actually let God do the talking, and not taint His message with my own intentions.

I feel a little rambly, and just an overall confusion about it all. Any thoughts? Words of wisdom? At the moment I'm resting on the concept of speaking the truth in love, and hoping she can remember that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." But am I supposed to be her friend in this instance? I wish I knew...

*****************

On a lighter note -- finals are over!!!!!!!! Man does it feel good to be done with this semester. Summer is finally here. :)

In a word

FINALS.

Your prayers are much appreciated. I'll be back soon to spill various and sundry thoughts on:

1. the new Dishwalla CD (you? thoughts?)
   
2. how much I love cycling
3. why i wouldn't recommend being poor
4. the unpleasantries of being a bridesmaid
5. how God's been hitting me over the head with the basics...and how incredibly great it has been

Peace and I'm out.

Reasons one might find me slightly odd...

Thanks to Dave for the invitation to share some possibly "lame" things that I do and/or enjoy on this new 'Embrace the Lame' Day. Although I seem to be somewhat carefree (I think) in terms of caring what others think of me, so for some of you these are probably well-known. But just so we can all have a giggle at silly Sarah, here we go:

1. Ethiopian food is the greatest thing in the world.
2. The WB makes some great teen drama shows
3. Going to bed early
4. Getting up early
5. The Redwall series -- I bawled at the end of Mattimeo
6. Documentaries
7. non form-fitting pants, perhaps known to some as baggy/ghetto/skater-ish. not all the time, but a girl's gotta have some relief from the skank that is parading as fashion these days.
8. tofu. 'nough said.
9. manual cars that get good gas mileage
10. TLC's "Trauma: Life in the ER"
11. the dictionary is a fascinating book, no lie.
12. (i actually like Justin Timberlake's music)
13. i check my email an obscene amount everyday
14. i hate cellphones
15. That Thing You Do is definitely in the top 5 movie list for me -- i mean, can it get any better than Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters??
16. I drive like a 16 year-old boy, i.e. too fast and too crazy...I've been known to scare relatives and other good friends. And I take pride in this, my ability to not drive like a girl. You've been warned.
17. The coupons in the Sunday paper are my friend. Just last week I think I saved over 30 dollars just because of them. Anything to stretch my poor, grad student dollars.
18. I *sometimes* might seem to stalk cute boys that I happen to see. Don't freak out, it's not true stalking, I just like to figure out what they're doing on my floor at school and if there might be a chance that I'll have a class with them. I credit this to the utter lack of anything happening in that department at the moment and the unavoidable fact that crushes, however unrealistic, add a certain fun energy to your day. Even when you know that nothing will ever happen. Please tell me that you can relate to this and that it's not just me...
19. The internet is both a) the bane of my existence and b) the best invention ever, yielding such things as fun commercials, movie trailers, awesome TV show recaps/banter, and quite possible the best parody of Baby Got Back I have ever seen.
20. I actually don't want an ipod...at least at the moment. Call me crazy.

Must...stop...now...could go on all night. And updates are sure to follow, I can guarantee there is much more to share. So what things make you tick? Do tell.

Stream-of-consciousness for you tonight, folks, so be warned. I had a friend call me today that I haven't talked to in a long time, it reminded me how nice it is to be known. And how important community is in the life of a believer...heck, in the life of a person. Easier said than done, however. Less than a week of school. Oh wait, I get to take a Maymester class, then two summer sessions...yay for me. :( Oh wait, I forgot that I actually love everything that I'm studying so I should stop complaining. Oh wait, it's SUMMER. I've gotten immersed in another book, The Brothers K (not to be confused with Dostoyevsky), and I recommend it. Especially for lovers of epics and baseball. Speaking of which, where are all the baseball fans? I mean seriously, I realize it's called America's favorite past time, but come on. And just because I'm at UGA doesn't mean that all must hail the Big Dog. For the love, people, watch a sport that actually matters. OH, I finally got S3 of Alias today, thank you Jessica. Maybe remembering how mad the writers made me in S3 will make up for the less-than-cordial feelings I have for the writers this season. The bangs, it's all about the bangs. And speaking of TV shows, I've been feeling sad that I've fallen of the Smallville wagon, especially when I see ads revealing that I now have no idea what's going on. Maybe I'll tune in a little tomorrow and catch some Lex action. Hhmmm....

Holy mother of pearl it's late. 5:30 hits me like a BRICK every morning, you'd think I'd remember this when entertaining the thought of a late-night post. Alas, it's been real...and that's all she wrote.

No. Stinking. Way.

Apparently I'm not the only one who loves this kind of stuff. Check it out:

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

25% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I feel more alive in the spring. And I just cannot stay indoors when it is so beautiful outside, hence my decision to move our kitchen table out onto our back porch this morning so that I could study in the sun. Yes, that's right, our heavy, wooden, kitchen table. Haha, I'm glad no one saw me...I looked ridiculous. But I am now typing from the porch, bathed in sun and the smell of dirty grass. Hopefully our neighbors, to whom I could devote multiple bitter entries on this blog, will decide to take a break from their daily deathwish of smoking. It's just...gross.

Random entry, I know, and not too long...but I'm wrapped up in Don Miller's second installment, Searching for God Knows What. Which, by the way, is amazing. Seriously, if you haven't read his books, you are missing out. SO, so good -- go pick up a copy. Or holla at me, I'll let you borrow mine.

Alright kids, I'm out. Peace to you all, and I leave you with this:

Good reminder, huh? :)

the greatest day of 2k5 yet

1. MLB OPENING DAY!!!! (go Smoltzie)
2. Jay-Z documentary hits the shelves

I'm telling you, those two things topped with a 70 degree, sunny day make me one happy girl. :)

I wanna be a radical

So I've decided that school will no longer be my priority. Let me qualify that by saying that it will still be important and, dare I say, inevitably one of the things that I will spend the majority of my time on. But I'm tired of believing the lie, of thinking that making As and immersing myself in everything CMSD (Communication Sciences and Disorders, for those who are unaware) will somehow satisfy me, or prepare me to be able to make a difference one day.

Because you know what? Life is more than my report card, or the amount of time I spend doing homework and diving into all the professionalism of my future career. Don't get me wrong, I think it's critical to truly work hard and learn the things that will prepare me for my job, and I am in no way advocating a "slacker" mentality. But I am tired of living a compartmentalized life, one in which my default is something like: School = 80%, Everything else = 15%, God = 5%. I'm exaggerating to make my point...but only a little, sadly. My life has become so radically different than the way I feel like I'm called to live, as a child of God. And so different from how I long to live, deep down. How can this be, how can I already be singing this song when I'm only 24?

I have these words by Annie Dillard posted on my wall above my computer, and as I write they are glaring at me: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Let me say that again: How we spend our days is how we spend our LIVES. I've forgotten this, much like I forget the Gospel. Simple truths, yet they fly out of my brain before my head hits the pillow each night. I want to spend my life knowing Christ, becoming like Him and building His kingdom, NOT being a nerdy SLP who can make good grades and impress people.

I realize that there is a delicate balance at play here, the dichotomy of the spiritual and physical me. But at the risk of sounding extremist or just plain looney, if my days aren't being lived for eternity -- if my moments are not rooted in my intention to capture them for His glory and His purpose -- then my life is being wasted. I would apologize for sounding harsh, but I can't and I won't. The life I've been called to live isn't easy, isn't normal, and is certainly not status quo. And I'd venture to say it's full of a lot more pain, suffering, loneliness, and hurt than I care to think about at the moment.

Except that in the midst of those hardships come a joy and satisfaction that, at least at the moment, I feel like I've only read about. Paul, Stephen, Mother Theresa, Bonhoeffer...the list is long. But look at those lives and the one thing that you cannot escape is the fact that they were full of suffering. And yet these people suffered gladly, because their life was not their own. They had been captured by the Gospel, by the very same Savior that I claim to follow. And they were willing to be killed for Him.

I guess what I'm getting at is that these people lived with their priorities straight. I know that they were not single-minded people because, in my book, the only person who ever did it right was Jesus, and He was perfect. So these people had multiple balls in the air, lots of different distractions vying for their attention and time. And I know that they made mistakes, and messed up, probably stuck God on the bottom of their To-Do list more than once or twice. But they also got it right, so to speak. They knew the sacrifice that had to be made, and they made it, even in the face of death. They were radicals, they were extremists, they were hardcore. And the kingdom of God was built up because of them.

I want to be like that -- radical, extraordinary. I really believe that to live the Gospel in this day and time it is going to take a radical shift in how I think my life should be lived. And it's gonna be a hard change. But I want it. I want the only thing that can truly bring me satisfaction and joy, and that's to know Christ. Plain and simple...or the most difficult thing in the world. Until that happens my days, or put bluntly my life, is a waste of time.

I don't want to waste my life. God, give me the grace to say no to this world and yes to You. Amen.

"From now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus." Galations 6:17

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:23, 24

My fishbowl

Sometimes I get stressed over figuring out what to write here. It should be meaningful, I tell myself. Or at least funny...or insightful...or showcase my brilliant wit and charm. Ha. But because it's spring break I'm gonna run with the whole "take a break" mentality that is pervading my life these few precious days. So this entry will contain none of the aformentioned things. No, actually, it will really just contain a few random thoughts that entered my head today. Welcome to my world...

1. My new favorite sound: a baseball bat making contact with the ball.
2. I could play frisbee until I die...literally.
3. I know A LOT of people, but I can count on one hand the number of people who really know me. Does that say something?
4. Squash and zucchini somehow are looked upon as the "gross" vegetables, which is beyond me because I could eat them all day long.
5. Kevin and Taylor in the Morning really annoy me.
6. I like Athens a lot better when all the students aren't here. :)
7. Individual Crystal Lite packets were a brilliant invention.
8. I don't pray enough.
9. Scrubbing the bathtub is definitely my least favorite thing to do when it comes to cleaning the house.
10. If we have high school reunions, couldn't we also have elementary school reunions? How fun would it be to see your 1st grade friends again?!
11. Alias is an unbelievably good show. And I can say this with authority since I'm now watching all the previous seasons AGAIN, since doing that last semester wasn't enough. Seriously, if you don't watch it...well, I just don't know what to say.
12. I get scared when I think about living the rest of my life. I feel (slightly) like I'm wasting a lot of my time in what I do. I want to a purpose, and I want that purpose to be the Kingdom and the Gospel. What does that look like? The fact that I can never really get an answer to that scares me -- so I guess, in essence, faith scares me.
13. This is funny.

So there's lots more, but I'm tired and I'm hittin the hay. There will be more, but not tonight. This girl's got some sleeping to do.

Running: Pain or pleasure?

So I'm trying to become a runner. I know, I know...running is probably one of the most easy and accessible forms of exercise around. But I'm just so BAD at it!! It's really ridiculous, you wouldn't believe all the things that go wrong in my attempts to run. Why is it that I can spend 45 minutes on the stairmaster and work myself into a dripping mess without any trouble, but 5 minutes into a run my asthma is trying to choke me and my feet threaten to stop moving if I push them any more? I just don't get it.

But I am proud (and you should be too) that I have begun to get serious about this running thing. My roommate is training for a triathlon and, being the running goddess that she is (she runs at 6 every morning like clock work), has offered to go on short, slow(er) runs with me to put in a little more training time and also to help me learn to run. We went twice last week, and I made it both times, albeit in slow form and probably not that far, distance-wise.

But the even cooler thing is that the past two days I went running BY MYSELF. Yes folks, you read correctly, I ventured onto the lonely sidewalk of running alone. And it was fanTAstic. The sun was setting, the air was crisp, my legs were somehow managing with the whole running thing...it just went so smoothly. Now, don't get me wrong, I was wanting to quit at the usual 5-minutes-in mark. But I forced myself to keep on keeping on. I think I compared myself to my roommate in my head the whole time, along with imagining how embarassing it would be to just stop in the middle of this route along the road and give all the people in cars a chance to giggle at the silly girl who can't run.

So I've been running. And as I type this, I can barely feel my quads. I mean, I'm an active girl, and I feel like I know what it is to push yourself and feel the reward of muscle pain afterwards. But this pain, oh man, this pain is just...so...real. I almost didn't make it down the stairs this morning. And forget about crossing my legs today. Oh no, just making it to class will be a feat.

But let it be known, I WILL continue. Even if it means my roommate having to drag me out of bed in the mornings because I can't move my legs. OK, maybe not to that extreme, but I'm gonna keep running. And I'm gonna get better. And gosh darnit, I'm gonna be a runner. Ready or not, here I come.

Kids

There's just no two ways about it: kids are funny. I'm watching these home videos from the stuttering grant that I'm working on at school, and it is hilarious what kids say and do. Example: dinner table, brother and sister, brother starts singing (screaming) while simultaneously jumping up and down on his chair -- all while completely pantless. And no, his shirt does not cover everything. Ha :) Wouldn't you be slightly embarrased as the mother to mail in this video to a big University? Does she not care that it might seem somewhat odd that her kids are a little out-of-control? Maybe I'm just not a mom. I'm sure that's what it is. But I still feel like I'd hold off on sending out videos that show off the dirty laundry of my dinner table happenings.

On a completely different sidenote, it is finally cold here in the South. I think it went down to 19 last night. 19!! Yay for the winter. Now as long as it stays till at least mid-March I will be happy. Even a snow day here or there would be great. Am I insane, you ask? No, no, not me. I've just got a little Chi-town in my blood that's craving some winter winds. A girl's got desires, you know?!

young?? old??

2005 is here -- am i too young to feel old? am i too young to feel odd about being single and without prospects? am i too young to worry about when i will be able to start investing for my (future) kids' education? i tell you, maturity is a bear when all the things you're supposed to be mature about haven't happened yet.